Do I Tell Her?
by Iapsa
Summary: If you lived a life full of misery and pain, and by chance found yourself at the age of four living your last moments of happiness on a playground, knowing that suffering would come to you in a couple of days, would you tell yourself your happiness would end? Here's what Shego did.


Hey, how're you doing?

It's been more than a year since the last time I uploaded something, I've been quite busy nowdyas, that test I told everyone how much hated is coming and I have no option but making it. I can't choose, cause if I don't make it I can never go to university, and even if I don't want to go, if anything in my ballet trainment goes wrong (not to mention my book) I'll have to be able to work in something else, even if it's just to buy depression medicines not to suicide with so much misery. That's how I get my life going, somehow.

That's a short story, but I think I got to the point I wanted. This year I watched the play I made in 2011 (if you know me you know the whole story), cause they always remake it after three years, and, as the play's theme was "time", there was a part with a text where a man meets himself at the age of seven. I remember when I was watching it, I was crying a lot, and all I could think of was of what if I had a chance to meet myself in 2011. The question that came to my mind was "Do I tell her about all the suffering that's coming this next year? Do I tell her she won't be happy as she is now, that this will end in a couple of months?"

Dealing with a lot of fights, freakouts and pressure recently, I found a good mood to write a fanfic. I was missing here, so it fit perfectly with my situation.

Enjoy the story, it's a bit strange but I liked how it turned out. Somewhat.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Do I Tell Her?<strong>

Shego was driving down the road, her arms stretched on the wheel, wishing she could go the fastest she could and leave that place forever. Tears came to her eyes from time to time, but she tried to avoid them. She had to keep her fame, proving to herself that she was as strong as she said. _Maybe it didn't make sense anymore; maybe she wanted the whole world to know who she was_ – at least a half – _human being, and that this didn't mean she wasn't stronger than half of Earth's inhabitants together, but she didn't think about it._

That was then that her car suddenly stopped, letting out a shriek when shaving on a sidewalk. Shego looked in the rearview mirror: _one of the tires was almost flat_. Wanting to punch the steering wheel but lacking courage to lose control in public, Shego just rested her head on the car seat, and was already closing her eyes to think of what to do when the vision of a children playground caught her attention.

There were no more than ten children no older than seven years old on it; all playing together, excepting for one who moved away, chasing a purple butterfly: a girl with a cheerful smile on her face, emerald green eyes and a black hair that reached her waist.

Shego opened the car door, waking up to the gloomy and overcast day happening around her. _She knew that playground_. She'd been there, back in far years ago, but she had already been there. The little girl with black hair approached the sidewalk as the butterfly turned away, dragging her white dress. _She must be four years old_. And Shego knew her as well. She had a vague memory of that day: her first trip for out of Go City, and on a cloudy end of afternoon her parents had left her with the nanny in a playground, where she had moved away from other children to pursue a purple butterfly, until a slender black-haired woman appeared and…

When she could see, Shego was walking toward the little girl, like in a blink of an eye, crouching to aim her emerald irises. The kid resigned the butterfly to face her, but Shego didn't dare to say her own name; the dress she was wearing that day twenty years ago came to her mind undismayed, making her feel an inexplicable heaviness in her chest. _It had been a Christmas gift, she remembered_ _it_. And it fit her so fine, she barely remembered having used something white since then… Because that had been the last Christmas, after all… Shego put her hands over the girl's face, looking at her steadily, haunted by the way she didn't even get scared. Strength? _No, she knew it wasn't:_ it was innocence.

The weight on Shego's chest grew heavier, creating within her the need to embrace the girl and protect her with plasma, because the white dress, the carefree smile and anything else that would allow her to accept that a stranger put her hands on her face would be snatched away in a couple of days. Shego remembered as if she was still there, and now strangely she was, holding herself without a clue of what to say, perplexed at how her smile was innocent, pure, how her eyes were clear, serene, without loading a drop of guilt or suffering.

"Hi…" the little girl's smile expanded, inviting Shego to smile at her too, but she couldn't. That poor kid didn't know that her innocence would be murdered in a short time from there, she enjoyed the moments that she didn't understood being the end of her life as a human being, and Shego had always dreamed of a chance to change her past, so many times that she was now face to face with herself at the age of four. _"Do I tell her?"_

Shego stared at the girl; _"Do I tell her that disgrace will come to her life? Tell her that within no more than a week her parents will start fighting and throwing bottles of booze at each other? That she'll have nowhere to hide, that the smile on her face is about to fade away?"_ Shego tried to look down, but her eyes only saw the little girl, as if hypnotized by her _"Do I tell her that suffering waits for her on the next corner? That her innocence will be taken away forcedly without she at least has a chance to defend? Show her the scars on my body, the marks in my memory? Do I tell her about everything that's about to come, things she never, even by twenty-four, managed to understand?!"_

But a tear came to Shego's eyes before everything; on that day she was smiling, playing with her pristine white dress and eyes full of joy. How could anyone ruin something so perfect? How to take away that child's happiness, knowing she'd never have it again within days? _She deserved to live it_. Those joyful green eyes couldn't be broken in half, that moment couldn't be stopped, even though she knew it wouldn't last long. That innocence was what Shego wanted the most; she wanted it back, could never lay a finger on it. That short childhood was so sacred that it couldn't be touched; _nothing could interfere with it_.

With her arms around the already long black hair, Shego hugged herself as strong as she could, trying to give a miserable piece of her stone heart to that child who would suffer so much from there on. _Life was cruel_. And it enraged her the fact that there was nothing she could do to change it, but she needed to protect that child. It was her right to be happy, even if it lasted only four years, because warning her that she would have her childhood stolen would be the same as stealing it with her own hands. If the unfair world wouldn't guarantee that she had her little time of happiness, Shego would do it herself.

Unable to say a word, Shego let go of the girl and ran into the car, starting to drive without even thinking about the damaged tire, with tears falling down her face, her heart bleeding in her chest, unable to stay there for moment more.

But the little girl watched her walk away, her fascinated eyes following every step. _She was beautiful_. The girl had never seen anyone so beautiful in her whole life. She swore to herself that, when she grew up, she'd be like that woman. _Whatever it cost_.


End file.
